I do things that other people do

and because of this I have got me some tumblr action
http://couldyoulendmeadollar.tumblr.com/

I'm tired but I'm in just too much pain to sleep. Ah.
I have a small confession;
I need someone to hold me and tell me that it's really going to be okay and that in two days I will regret even worrying and that it's okay to be a little bit scared sometimes about things I can't control.

In other news I might get a tumblr. Everyone else is.

Stuff like that only happens to other people.

I'm not going to be hasty.
It's probably nothing and probably no big deal.
But that doesn't stop the tiny, niggling doubt.
I. Don't. Know.

Dear bed, why am I not inside you!?

I caved and booked an appointment with the new physio. I'm really scared for a number of reasons but I don't really want to think about it.

I'm worried that I'll lose the male friends that I have now. And they are so nice. And I realised today that that is so rare. What if they are actually unique?! What if every other boy I will ever meet is an arse? What do I do then!? I am really quite freaked out by this. It sounds like a joke when I say it but...seriously. I feel comfortable around you, and I feel really uncomfortable around other boys. You are lovely. I really AM going to ring you all up one day when I'm 23, crying, and say "I don't like anyone I know and no one will spoon me or make me tea or let me talk to them about things without feeling like I'm being judged or dance drunkenly when I am always completely sober or listen to me whine or anything and I hate men." And just to give y'all the heads up, I will then expect you to say "Calm down. Let's go have coffee."

And just a couple more general things: I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN. BUT IT'S OKAY TO A POINT BECAUSE I LOVE EVERYONE. and
TONY ABBOTT GO SUCK A FAT ONE YEAAAHHH!!!

Goodness gracious, holy moly, what a kerfuffle!

In a sense, my life is the best it has ever been and I am very , very happy. In another sense, I cannot walk.

So, my uncle knows a guy who is apparently a 'master' physiotherapist. And he called him and he said that bursitis will not get better by rest, but needs to be 'rubbed out'. I don't understand. I have definitely googled this problem and it says that rest helps, so does my physiotherapist. But I have been resting. It hasn't improved. Also, bursitis is definitely a sort of inflammation around a tendon and a bone...why would you 'rub out' an inflammation? Anyway my uncle swears by this 'master' and I am sort of inclined to trust him because he has had hip problems since the dawn of time. He told me that my aunty would take me to see him if I want...in Berrwick. Okaayy, no offence if you live in or near Berrwick but that is 12 million miles from my house. "Oh well," I hear you say, "It'll be worth it once you're fixed by the master." But unfortunately it isn't that simple, my friends. You see, I am very busy this week and the drive there will take an absolute minimum of one hour, so I can't go after school or I wont get home until like 9. And I could only do Friday anyway, so I would have to wait until the weekend. By which time I will have killed myself from the frustration of how slow I am forced to walk. All of this is compounded by the fact that the 'master' is a 75 year old man who would need to intensely massage/ 'rub out' my very upper thigh which might be creepy and I am convinced would hurt like a mofo, AND the fact that my physio is on holiday. Really, world this is over-complicating things a little wouldn't you say?

So, for something simple.

I wanna be on you.

So, I am too fat to fit into my formal dress. My other option is for a tall person and thus makes me look very short and is also a bit funeral-y. I have bursitis in my hip and hence cannot do any kind of exercise to attempt to fit into the original dress. I also can't go shopping because walking makes the bursitis worse and I have to try to get over it before formal or I won't physically be able to go. I only have one pair of shoes I could wear and I like them but I feel like my mother in them. I can't go to school because the walking causes too much pain and discomfort, but equally can't not go to school because missing things causes too much pain and discomfort. The university course I have finally decided I want to do requires an ATAR that is way out of my reach and possibly a subject that I haven't taken. I have no one to tell these things to, so I am posting my whine on my blog because it makes me feel better.

OK I actually do feel better now. That was therapeutic. In the end none of that stuff really matters, it's all just the small things that irritated me today. But this not being able to walk thing is really becoming an issue. Guys I can honestly say that this is the worst pain I have ever experienced in my whole life. And it won't go away what the hell!

Anyway this is on some ad, but it still chills me out a lot so I'mma post it.

“In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer”

-Albert Camus

ANGRY CONFUSED WHAT THE HELL.

"Don't sell yourself short"

I don't know how.

So, I shall hope--without confidence--but hope with every fibre of my being.

PAIN, GAH.

It's going to be okay. Okay? Okay. I can promise that because I believe in everyone. I wish people knew how amazing they were. I wish I had the courage and the words to tell people how much I am amazed by them, but I don't. Maybe I can't. But then again, maybe I can. Maybe I should try. Yes that sounds good. So, I'm going to try to tell people when they amaze me. So, if I start to stumble around words in something that vaguely resembles praise to you, please forgive my awkwardness and try to be patient. I want you to know that I think you are cool. Cool? Cool.

I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no, combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together.

Jack's whipping out the chillers, ahhhh :)

The truth is that I want this moment back and that I am scared of wasted time. I force happiness everyday because I have to fight for what I believe in.