I do things that other people do

and because of this I have got me some tumblr action
http://couldyoulendmeadollar.tumblr.com/

I'm tired but I'm in just too much pain to sleep. Ah.
I have a small confession;
I need someone to hold me and tell me that it's really going to be okay and that in two days I will regret even worrying and that it's okay to be a little bit scared sometimes about things I can't control.

In other news I might get a tumblr. Everyone else is.

Stuff like that only happens to other people.

I'm not going to be hasty.
It's probably nothing and probably no big deal.
But that doesn't stop the tiny, niggling doubt.
I. Don't. Know.

Dear bed, why am I not inside you!?

I caved and booked an appointment with the new physio. I'm really scared for a number of reasons but I don't really want to think about it.

I'm worried that I'll lose the male friends that I have now. And they are so nice. And I realised today that that is so rare. What if they are actually unique?! What if every other boy I will ever meet is an arse? What do I do then!? I am really quite freaked out by this. It sounds like a joke when I say it but...seriously. I feel comfortable around you, and I feel really uncomfortable around other boys. You are lovely. I really AM going to ring you all up one day when I'm 23, crying, and say "I don't like anyone I know and no one will spoon me or make me tea or let me talk to them about things without feeling like I'm being judged or dance drunkenly when I am always completely sober or listen to me whine or anything and I hate men." And just to give y'all the heads up, I will then expect you to say "Calm down. Let's go have coffee."

And just a couple more general things: I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN. BUT IT'S OKAY TO A POINT BECAUSE I LOVE EVERYONE. and
TONY ABBOTT GO SUCK A FAT ONE YEAAAHHH!!!

Goodness gracious, holy moly, what a kerfuffle!

In a sense, my life is the best it has ever been and I am very , very happy. In another sense, I cannot walk.

So, my uncle knows a guy who is apparently a 'master' physiotherapist. And he called him and he said that bursitis will not get better by rest, but needs to be 'rubbed out'. I don't understand. I have definitely googled this problem and it says that rest helps, so does my physiotherapist. But I have been resting. It hasn't improved. Also, bursitis is definitely a sort of inflammation around a tendon and a bone...why would you 'rub out' an inflammation? Anyway my uncle swears by this 'master' and I am sort of inclined to trust him because he has had hip problems since the dawn of time. He told me that my aunty would take me to see him if I want...in Berrwick. Okaayy, no offence if you live in or near Berrwick but that is 12 million miles from my house. "Oh well," I hear you say, "It'll be worth it once you're fixed by the master." But unfortunately it isn't that simple, my friends. You see, I am very busy this week and the drive there will take an absolute minimum of one hour, so I can't go after school or I wont get home until like 9. And I could only do Friday anyway, so I would have to wait until the weekend. By which time I will have killed myself from the frustration of how slow I am forced to walk. All of this is compounded by the fact that the 'master' is a 75 year old man who would need to intensely massage/ 'rub out' my very upper thigh which might be creepy and I am convinced would hurt like a mofo, AND the fact that my physio is on holiday. Really, world this is over-complicating things a little wouldn't you say?

So, for something simple.

I wanna be on you.

So, I am too fat to fit into my formal dress. My other option is for a tall person and thus makes me look very short and is also a bit funeral-y. I have bursitis in my hip and hence cannot do any kind of exercise to attempt to fit into the original dress. I also can't go shopping because walking makes the bursitis worse and I have to try to get over it before formal or I won't physically be able to go. I only have one pair of shoes I could wear and I like them but I feel like my mother in them. I can't go to school because the walking causes too much pain and discomfort, but equally can't not go to school because missing things causes too much pain and discomfort. The university course I have finally decided I want to do requires an ATAR that is way out of my reach and possibly a subject that I haven't taken. I have no one to tell these things to, so I am posting my whine on my blog because it makes me feel better.

OK I actually do feel better now. That was therapeutic. In the end none of that stuff really matters, it's all just the small things that irritated me today. But this not being able to walk thing is really becoming an issue. Guys I can honestly say that this is the worst pain I have ever experienced in my whole life. And it won't go away what the hell!

Anyway this is on some ad, but it still chills me out a lot so I'mma post it.

“In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer”

-Albert Camus

ANGRY CONFUSED WHAT THE HELL.

"Don't sell yourself short"

I don't know how.

So, I shall hope--without confidence--but hope with every fibre of my being.

PAIN, GAH.

It's going to be okay. Okay? Okay. I can promise that because I believe in everyone. I wish people knew how amazing they were. I wish I had the courage and the words to tell people how much I am amazed by them, but I don't. Maybe I can't. But then again, maybe I can. Maybe I should try. Yes that sounds good. So, I'm going to try to tell people when they amaze me. So, if I start to stumble around words in something that vaguely resembles praise to you, please forgive my awkwardness and try to be patient. I want you to know that I think you are cool. Cool? Cool.

I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no, combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together.

Jack's whipping out the chillers, ahhhh :)

The truth is that I want this moment back and that I am scared of wasted time. I force happiness everyday because I have to fight for what I believe in.

Well then, since I know you'll look;

I miss you. I miss you like crazy. I MISS YOU LIKE FUCKING CRAZY.

Where are you? Who are you? I don't even know! I'm a bit ashamed because I worry that the fact that I'm losing you is my fault. I want so much to talk to you about how I've changed. I want to hear your silly, amazing stories and have you sing and dance for me every morning like we used to. I want to have sleepovers where we don't do much other than talk. I want you to tell me that I'm being a bit dumb because I don't have anyone else who does that. I want your honesty and your love back. I want you to question me when I say things that you know I don't mean, or don't have any justification for. I want you to provoke real thoughts about real people in my sometimes tiny brain. I want you to laugh at me and love me. I am so, so worried that we won't try and that the end of this year will come and you will leave and we will never have this time back. I am worried that we will look back on salmon eating tax days and wonder how we were ever so close. I miss you!! I know it's my fault that we're distant. And we both know why that is. And I am so so sorry, but I'm silly and fleeting and imperfect and a bit weak. So look, I've been thinking about this for a while. I need you back in my life and I am sick and tired of not making an effort, so here is the first of many: come and see Antigone with me. We could have a sleepover afterwards? Or if not, we'll have one in the holidays.

I know you're busy but you better try to make some room for me in your amazing life, because I will not stop muscling my way in. I don't care if I piss you off, I refuse to let go. So there. Prepare to be hounded Moo. I am not giving up.

I'm proud of you.

I think I'm on another planet with you, with you.

Gahgahgah.

I am so conflicted. Everything is conflicting. How can it be possible to have so many totally opposing views at once?

Friggin hell.

Oh Boy Oh Boy

Today I:
-Wasted a lot of time
-Was forced into a couple of photos
-Felt sad
-Felt happy
-Got told off a bit
-Did a SAC
-Failed a test
-Was let down a little, but ended up having a great time instead
-Ate a lot of unnecessary food
-Shopped
-Whined
-Spoke to a very stupid man
-Was rude to a friend
-Had a lol, and then another lol and etc
-Went to cricket training
-Saw a highly disturbing picture which just...oh god people what are you thinking?!
-Saw a cool dude
-And yeah, just generally had a pretty swell day

"NOMNOMANOM"
-World

Aren't people funny?

So the main person I was talking about in the last post did something recently which just made me as proud as punch! I respect you, I really do and I'm so, so happy that soon you're going to be happy too. I shouldn't have doubted you, and people like you deserve the real apologies :)

But on another note, goodness gracious people are silly. And beautiful and ridiculous and entrancing and lovely. But silly! So silly!"People are like slinkies...not good for much, but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs."

You make my heart sing

I had the best ever weekend in Warburton you guys don't even know! We went to the snow! THE SNOW GUYS! And this wasn't just some piss weak snow, this was real AND it was actually snowing. We had a snow fight and we made a snowman and it was AMAZING and ahhh!

In other news, I just had a thought (shock). It's about hating on people. I do it so much. I can think of three people at the moment that I've been hating on religiously. I don't even know why. Isn't that terrible? No one is a bad person. I can't believe it. I get caught up in the excitement of the bitching, the connection that I feel with others when we have a common hatred, and that makes me weak. I hate it. I want to tell you three that I don't hate you. That I know for a fact everyone tells you how much I bitch about you and how much I hate you, but it isn't true. I could never really hate you, even if I wanted to. The only reason that I say awful things to or about you is because I cannot just sit there and watch you destroy your life. I want to help but I don't know how or it isn't my place. I am selfish and rude and weak in that respect and I really am sorry, but watching other people suffer makes me ill. Maybe ignorance is bliss, I don't know. There's a whole lot I don't know actually, but it's fine as long as I tell people that I don't get it. Either way, recently I have been shown the truth about certain people and it's awful, awful, awful. I want you to be as happy as I am, but it's something that I can't share. I want to so desperately, but I can't.

Anyway, sorry about that but I needed to get it off my chest and I'm too silly to say it to anyone really. In conclusion, I'm feeling the love guysh. Feeeeeeeeeeeling the love!

These are a few of my favourite things;

When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad...
I simply remember my favourite things and then I don't feel...
So bad :)

Hold on, dear, and I'll hold you.

Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free.

I feel like a little dedication. I guess these are kind of boring unless you're the one they're about, so please bear with me.

Dear SkunkMan,
I am writing this to you because I want you to know how much I appreciate you. I'm a realist and a bit of a cynic sometimes, but the truth is that this is real and I don't care how long it's real for. Please never forget that this is/was real. No one has ever been as nice to me as you are, ever in my life. I adore it. I adore you. What we have is easy and free and beautiful. It's so healthy and sunshiney. I guess that's not really a word but that is the best description I can think of. We're sunshiney. You've taught me a lot. Never forget this beauty, because things like this deserve to be remembered. So, I guess, thanks. Just thanks a lot.
(:

Friends who feed are friends indeed, friends with tea are better!

Friends who make nomonm pancakes, friends who grow young together :)

I had so much fun last night and today! We had a sleepover and friendsfriendsfriends I'm so happy! I love them! I love people who I can just be myself around, and who can be themselves around me. Friends who pretend to have lightsabers and guns. Friends who take control of the kitchen. Friends who point out the blatantly obvious or act like monkeys or laugh in 'ooo' noises or snuggle me in the morning or put their hair up in a mullet or text twice in a row or are just the best ever people ever! I love that they love the same things I love and I get so excited about the magic that we make when we're together. Because that's what it is. When people get along and have fun and accept each other, that feeling is magic. So, in conclusion, magic exists. Haters back off!
The Rainbow Fish!

I better go do some of this homework I guess, but even that cannot dampen my amazing mood. I am so intoxicated with life guys. I really am. People just keep on bringing out all these amazing things and it's the best I can do to keep my jaw from permanently dragging on the ground in shock. 'Oh, Lizzy, you've known me for a while, so I guess you should know this random thing about me which I'll say like it's totally casual when really you just pissed yourself with delight. All chill.' Really guysh! How do you get so cool?! You are the greatest and I love you I love you I love you and I don't know how else to put it or how I can emphasize it more. I LOVE YOU ALL!

“Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”

-Anthony Robbins